What if…?

I believe everyone has a What If. A person you met and really clicked with. You just connect on an instant and excellent level. You never question if they feel it too, you know they do. You start to think for just a minute…. until their girlfriend/boyfriend/pregnant wife enter the picture. And then they are your What If. Because, what if she were single? Or what if he didn’t have a pregnant wife? What if?

The irony is inescapable… Alanis Morisette would be proud of this one. The What If is proof that there is hope and that there isn’t all at once. There is hope of meeting someone and making a connection. There is hope that these people you are looking for actually exist. There is hope for a One Date Wonder to shed her title after all. Except…. not. Because where ever there is hope there is a wife, or a girlfriend, or some other reason why it just isn’t going to go any further.

I met my What If this weekend. He is a reasonably attractive guy who made me feel like the only woman in the room. He flirted, he knew how to casually touch without going too far,  he listened when I talked to him. He picked up the tab. He checked on me when he knew I was in trouble. He worried. He made me laugh. He is happily married to a very pregnant wife. He told me he liked my smile.

I refused the last drink and went home alone, for the record. I hugged him goodbye and nothing more. And I laid in bed that night, staring at the ceiling and wondering “What if…..”

The What If is one of the most painful of dating experiences. The connection alone is enough to forge an excellent friendship, but you must always be careful never to toe the line with him.  I may indulge in the occasional indeiscretion, but a homewrecker I am not. So the What If must remain just that, and nothing more. Being friends with the What If is therefore a constant battle. Pulling close, but not too close. Pulling away but not too far. All while constantly being reminded that other people have already found your great matches, and wondering if there is even one left out there for you anymore.  Knowing this it would be easier to leave the What If behind and save yourself right? Except when you are with them, you are happy. It is fun. You are reminded that people do find you attractive and fun and there is hope. Just…… not with this one. Not with the What If.

So I will go to bed now. I will lay there, and I will think about this. I will think about my What If.

Filed under tales of woe, what if | Comment (0)