The Friend Strikes Again
Here’s something I haven’t obsessed over in a while… The Friend. I really thought I had this situation under control but I’m stressed out right now and he’s been around. So naturally that knocks my hormones out of whack and causes me to obsess stupidly. And when I obsess stupidly, of course I share it with all of you.
Yesterday, The Friend his roommate and I all went out to dinner. Now it was actually a slightly fancy place, a little romantic but we were clearly not there in that context. We were just out to try something new and The Friend had been interested in this place for a long time. So off we went.
Dinner was fun and relaxed. No big obsessive events or anything… just what I’ve finally gotten used to with The Friend. After dinner his roommate suggested I come over and play a little Guitar Hero with them. That seemed amusing enough so I did. The Friend and I settled onto the couch next to one another and watched as his roommate set up and played.
Now I was up and down because I was playing as well, and The Friend was settled in comfortably as he was just fiddling with his phone. Guitar Hero held no interest for him. Every time I sat down, The Friend would show me something or shift somehow so that we were leaning against one another. One notable time he gave me a quick hug which ended with me curled up against his side with his arm around me. It was nice. Really nice. I miss being touched casually like that. Once I got up though, that was not repeated.
Finally, I had to get up and head for home. As I was waiting for the roommate to pack up and getting ready to say goodbye, The Friend casually reached up and rubbed the back of my neck for a few minutes. I didn’t move because it felt good and I didn’t want to scare him off. Then it was time to get up and head off and I was out the door and into the rain in no time flat.
As I got in the car, it occurred to me that we were right back in the hazy gray area where we were before. I like the contact with him. And I like him. I just don’t understand how that is part of a normal guy/girl friendship. And the signal it sends is very confusing. Usually I’m confident in situations with men… or at least confident that I know the rules and how to play with them. But The Friend constantly catches me off guard. What to do?
Filed under friend | Comments (9)For future reference
Last night The Friend and I were out at happy hour with his roommate and some other mutual friends. We were picking on each other like we often do, when someone turned to us and said “Geez… so when’s the wedding?”
Apparently this is a very effective way to make The Friend shut up. I shall have to remember this technique.
Filed under friend | Comments (4)Just one of the guys
This phrase is enough to strike fear and loathing into any woman’s heart. Because at some time or another, we have all been “one of the guys”. Invariably we are trying to be cool. We are trying to spend time with the object of our affection, get to know him, share interests, have fun. And somehow in the process, it backfires. And instead of being a woman, we become one of the guys.
Most of the time this is a clear delineation. Something you see coming from a mile away. A battle you know you are losing even as you fight. However this time, it has snuck up on me from behind. I am surprised by being handed my guy card by The Friend.
There were no warning signs. He does not let me buy my own dinner when we’re out. He rubs my shoulders when he stands behind me in line. He picks up my tray when we’re at a place that requires us to bus our own tables. He holds the door for me always. If anything, I was starting to believe that we were moving farther away from the friendly territory.
But instead we were moving closer. This week I was informed that I “had my guy card revoked” when I pouted at dinner the other night. That’s right, dinner he had paid for. And shortly after he had reached over to casually pat my back. I was joking, as I am not actually a pouter, for the record. But it made him tell me I am pretty, so I’m not entirely sorry for being such a girl in that moment. And if it made him take back my guy card, then good! I don’t want it! When was I issued that damn thing anyway?
How many men does he constantly feel compelled to purchase meals for and hold doors for? I’ve never seen him do it for another. How many men does he hug hello every time they meet? How many men does he come up behind in line and gently rub their shoulders? How many? And how can I be “one of the guys” if he’s still doing these things?
And yet…. it seems I am. Another battle lost here in the land of the One Date Wonder. I am not exactly batting a thousand these days.
Filed under friend, tales of woe | Comments (2)The Un-Date
The Friend told me at the end of last year about this one movie he wanted to see. Now, while I have a memory like the holier kinds of swiss cheese, stupid details like this stick to me like glue. The movie opened this month. In fact, the movie opened last night. The only non-smooshy movie that I know opening on the smooshiest holiday of the year. I told him I thought it would be fun for us to buck the gooey holiday and go to the unromantic movie on the night it opened. On Valentine’s Day.
And so we did. We made our plans, for just the two of us. No big group for once, just me and him. He picked me up… which was his idea. We went out to eat ahead of time and totally lost track of time just chatting and enjoying each other’s company. When the check came I snatched it up as I owed him a dinner anyway. We actually had a little tussle over that, which I had not anticipated. He wanted to pick up the tab. I insisted I would. I won.
So we made our exit and got over to the movie theater. And wouldn’t you know, he was still remembering that check I’d just picked up? I still do not understand why. He picked up the bill the last time we were out alone and claimed it was because he had no cash and needed to put it on a card. “You get it next time.” he told me. So this was next time, and I picked it up. Apparently I missed the part where he didn’t mean it? Anyway, so I’m not paying attention and he’s operating the ticket machine. You all can see where this is going. He turns around with his ticket and hands me mine. He had “gotten me back” for dinner.
We had fun in the movie as we always do. He is just the right amount of silent with sarcastic commentary for me. The perfect movie watching combo for maximum enjoyment. (This is more important than one might think. But that is for another post.) As always, there was playful arm touching, leaning, and all kinds of other signals that I would read as serious signs from anyone else but just confuse me when it comes to The Friend.
After the movie we went and grabbed dessert. Cue more sitting and chatting. This time conversation turns to relationships. we talk about the things we miss about being with someone, we talk about the injustice of women hitting their sexual peak well after men have recovered from theirs (also for another post, bu suffice it to say….. ARGH!), we talked about sex. Then, as if nothing had happened, we strolled out to the car and he took me home. One chaste hug later and the evening was over.
Now I swear to you, I have not skewed what happened here. Yes, his touch makes things inside me jump. No, he has never given me any outright indication that he wants more than friends. But please please please, tell me you wouldn’t wonder if you’d lived through that same evening! He picked me up, attempted to pay for everything, engaged in casual touching, talked about relationships, dreams, and sex. Come on… tell me I’m not just really wishful and there is something to what I’m seeing.
Or tell me I’m nuts. That could be too.
Filed under friend | Comments (4)Drive Me Crazy
Okay, so I spend a lot of time poking fun at the ridiculous things men do on these online dating sites. Today I will poke fun at myself in the name of women everywhere. The question is, why oh why must we over-analyze everything?
A guy looks me in the eye and tells me what his deal is. This happens to me often because I have a nasty habit of just asking or pressing the situation so I can find this little bit of information out. Maybe he tells me it’s just about the sex. Or maybe he says he’s just looking for friends right now. But the point is, I asked and he answered. That should be a pretty straightforward transaction, right?
Then why oh why must I constantly second guess him? Here is a little picture of what goes through my mind:
If he just wants to be friends, then why is he rubbing my shoulders like that? That’s not a very friendly signal. Only guys who are flirting rub shoulders. And, you know, he hugs me every time we see each other. And he does a lot of casual touching. Maybe he’s just a touchy feely kind of guy and he’s just comfortable with me because we’re buds. Or maybe he really meant right now and right now is over and he wants more. You know, this shoulder rub feels really nice, let me tell him. Oooooooh…. now he’s doing it more. That’s nice. This is definitely not friendly. Or is it?
See? see what I did there? I’ll tell you what I did there. I drove myself nuts by not taking what he said at absolute face value. I know that is a dumb chick thing to do. So then why can I not seem to stop myself?
Or am I on to something??? (SEE???)
Filed under confession, friend | Comments (3)Mixed Signals
The Friend is the master of mixed signals. Today he sends me this comic about men and dating. Totally unprovoked.
Other mixed signals include rubbing my shoulders, sharing confidences he doesn’t tell other people, telling me he is thinking about dating again soon, and then telling me he could never marry someone who works at our company.
I may not be doing a good job of explaining, but trust me here. I’m not a moron and the man is throwing off some seriously mixed signals. I really wish he’d pick one side or the other.
Filed under friend | Comment (0)The Friend
Ahhhh yes, the classic tale of he who does not wish to date you. This would be that guy, the one who you just know is perfect for you. He’s attractive, and funny, and you share interests. You hang out together and have a great time. He probably has all kinds of other qualities that you have searched high and low for in other men to no avail. And once, just once, you reached a juncture in your relationship where you thought you were going to be dating and living the dream. And then it happened. For whatever reason he told you he just wants to be your friend.
Of course, I have one of these. First it was that he didn’t want to date “right now”. Then it was that he is the eternal bachelor. Now it’s that his work takes up too much time. Never fear though gentle readers, I gave up the dating effort after the first reason (”not dating right now” for those of you following along at home). And he moved firmly into friend territory. A fact I actively lament after each fresh date with someone else gone horribly wrong.
These days I accept that he is just my friend. Okay, I kind of accept that he is just my friend. Okay okay, I really like hanging out with him and he helps keep me sane so I try to convince myself that just friends is a-okay in hopes that eventually I will completely let go of these not-so-friendly thoughts about him. The bad news is that I keep imagining that he is sending me not-so-friendly signals when we talk. Which maybe he is. Or maybe I am just thinking he should be. Maybe I just really don’t know anything.
But you see, I have this great friend. Ugh. I’ll get better at saying that. Maybe. (Like as soon as he starts dating me.)
Filed under friend, tales of woe | Comment (0)
