Drive Me Crazy
Okay, so I spend a lot of time poking fun at the ridiculous things men do on these online dating sites. Today I will poke fun at myself in the name of women everywhere. The question is, why oh why must we over-analyze everything?
A guy looks me in the eye and tells me what his deal is. This happens to me often because I have a nasty habit of just asking or pressing the situation so I can find this little bit of information out. Maybe he tells me it’s just about the sex. Or maybe he says he’s just looking for friends right now. But the point is, I asked and he answered. That should be a pretty straightforward transaction, right?
Then why oh why must I constantly second guess him? Here is a little picture of what goes through my mind:
If he just wants to be friends, then why is he rubbing my shoulders like that? That’s not a very friendly signal. Only guys who are flirting rub shoulders. And, you know, he hugs me every time we see each other. And he does a lot of casual touching. Maybe he’s just a touchy feely kind of guy and he’s just comfortable with me because we’re buds. Or maybe he really meant right now and right now is over and he wants more. You know, this shoulder rub feels really nice, let me tell him. Oooooooh…. now he’s doing it more. That’s nice. This is definitely not friendly. Or is it?
See? see what I did there? I’ll tell you what I did there. I drove myself nuts by not taking what he said at absolute face value. I know that is a dumb chick thing to do. So then why can I not seem to stop myself?
Or am I on to something??? (SEE???)
Filed under confession, friend | Comments (3)A Real Confession
You know, it’s easy to be flip and cheeky about dating do’s and don’ts and the funny things that happen out there. There is a lot to poke at, to be sure. But sometimes, even a One Date Wonder (or especially one) can get a bit melancholy about the whole thing.
As a single gal in my 30s, sometimes the whole thing is just scary. I mean, I have a good life. I have a stable job, a great apartment, and I can afford what I need and most of what I want in life. I have a supportive network of fabulous family and friends who I thank my lucky stars for every single day. But every single day when I’m doing that? I’m alone.
The truth is that I hate going to bed alone night after night. I could be flip about sex here, but that’s not what I mean. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life dating and coming home at night to a cat and an empty bed. I want to share my life with someone. And even this sarcastic chick doesn’t want to be alone.
I joke about not settling and not sacrificing, and it’s true that I’m picky. I’m scared of repeating the disaster of divorce. If I ever try to settle down again, I want to be sure it will last. I want to be sure I’m not making the same mistakes I’ve made in the past. I want to be sure my future won’t hold another painful split up. So I’m selective. I’m easily turned off. I’m fast to run away. I’m protective of my heart and my life. And it’s easy to make that funny, but maybe it’s not as entertaining when you see it this way.
The thing you rarely see and that I’ll rarely share is that sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I cry because my life wasn’t supposed to be this way. And I cry because I’m afraid this may be all I ever have. And while I know that if this life is the best it gets than I’m pretty damn lucky, I still feel just a little sad and empty inside.
Go figure, even a notorious One Date Wonder has feelings and dreams. And some days I think it might just be easier if I didn’t.
Filed under confession | Comments (2)
