What do you want to be when you grow up?

I cannot count how many times over the years people have asked me that. And for at least the last ten years, my answer has been short, sweet, and more than a little flip. So what does Jane Wonder want to be when she grows up? Happy.

Just….. happy. No restrictions on how, or why, or where. Just happy. And I feel like for as long as I can remember I’ve been struggling to just be happy. I was never happy with the first job I took at my company. It was stupid work that I mocked while I was anywhere but there. I wasn’t happy with my first husband either. On some level I always knew he was lying and cheating and stealing. So I ditched him and started dating what would be my second husband, then I got a new job. But I still wasn’t happy. The job was nice enough but the second husband was an embarrassment. In my secret heart of hearts I always thought I could do better. And, after being shoved halfway across my house and threatened, I realized I could. And I left.

After that some funny things started happening. I got another new job that I really enjoyed. And then I met this great guy. And life just started cruising along on auto pilot and I stopped paying attention.

Until last week. Last week I was coming home from work. I had my sunroof open, my music blasting, and I was dancing in the car and singing my fool head off. The weather was gorgeous and I was heading home to be with my favorite person. And that’s when it happened. Out of the blue and without warning. I realized that I’m happy.

Wow. I mean what a revelation for a Wednesday afternoon. I wasn’t really pondering my life or where I am or where I’m going. I wasn’t inventorying successes or joys. I was just driving down the road when it came to me like some kind of crazy cartoon AHA! moment. I’m actually happy. And to tell the truth, I’ve been grinning ever since.

Now, just don’t tell me this means I have to be a grown up…

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