Stranger than fiction
It all started with an email. An email from Big. Two days ago he wrote to say he hoped a milestone in my life went well for me. Of course, true to form, he was over a week late which he knew. Why he chose to write one week and one day later is beyond me. It will always be beyond me. But he did. He sent an email.
Things went downhill from there. Despite all rational logic to the contrary, I wrote back. I just wanted him to know how well I’m doing. That he didn’t break me. That I found something better than we’d ever had. I know it’s petty, but there it is. The best revenge is living well, and I wanted him to know I had that.
So I told him about LC and I moving in together. That I was moving out of my beloved single girl pad. He knows this is something I never would have done for him. I wanted him to understand how good things are. How well it’s working out. Maybe I even wanted him to hurt just a little since it seemed he never did. Whatever, so I told him. And of, course, he wrote back again.
Then he said he was trying to find a place to move into on his own. Talking about vacating my apartment made him check the vacancies there. Of course my unit was listed but probably won’t be available until January. There were a couple others like it. He got excited.
And he reserved one. Not mine, because it will take too long. No, but he reserved an apartment in the next building over. In fact, he reserved the apartment directly next to mine. Which is how it comes to pass that Big and I may be sharing a bedroom wall. (I’ll wait while you react to that. No really, you go ahead.)
For approximately two weeks. It’s just two weeks. Because, thank whatever deity you’d like, I decided to move into a new place with LC. A new place where thankfully I know Big would never follow. A new place just for us. A new place where one wall is not all that separates me from Big.
Big says it’s not weird. I say he’s not all there in his head. But no matter what, it’s only for a maximum of two weeks.
Of course, there was the tiny matter of having to tell LC. First I had to tell him Big emailed me. Then I had to tell him I emailed back. Then I had to explain the downhill slide of events that ended with Big moving in next door to me. I had a death grip on the kitchen counter as I explained this to LC. I was sure he was going to call off the move. To leave me. Or at the very least to yell at some part of this ridiculous story.
But do you know what he did? He laughed. He said it was ridiculous and that I had to see the humor in the situation. He said he wasn’t angry. He agreed it’s a good thing we’re moving in together. Then he laughed some more while he pondered the ridiculousness if we were not. He kissed me and assured me all was well with us. Then he laughed some more.
Personally, I think he’s plotting some loud sex in my bedroom next month. And if that’s what makes him feel better, who I am to deny the man his revenge?
Filed under Mr. Big, lucky charms | Comments (11)11 Responses to “Stranger than fiction”
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Your life is like a soap opera! So funny!
As the Stomach Churns?
You’re very lucky. I cannot imagine EG reacting that way, and he’s a very, very good guy.
I could sicken you with 100 stories like this. LC really is amazing.
I was thinking “There is going to be some loud headboard banging going on there” before I read the last paragraph. Think the scene in “The Secret To My Success” when Micheal J. Fox is conducting Bedsprings in B Major through the bedroom wall.
I’m just saying, I’m fairly certain the thought has crossed his mind. Whether he’ll do it is another story, but I’m positive it has occurred to him.
The best revenge: Plot louder sex! I’ll come help
My dear, I do believe you just propositioned me!
I would be sleeping in the living room for 2 weeks.
And let some douchebag chase me out of my lovely comfy bed? Not on your life. I refuse to let him have that kind of power over me.
Big does stand for BIG LOSER doesn’t it?
You know, these days it just might.
I like to say “you couldn’t write my life, no one would believe you.” I’m throwing this in that catagory!! Still laughing!
You’re right, I seriously couldn’t have even made this up.
Sounds awesomely like something I would experience. Life is funny. Sometimes in a really annoying way.
This is funny like that milk you left in the back of the fridge too long then pulled out to put on your cereal. Hopefully you didn’t, because it smelled funny. Just like this.
You must scream the following:
“You are so big!! SO BIG! Oh. My. God. Yes!”
That should do it.
That is one area where Big is quite secure. And frankly, he ought to be. His nickname did not come from a TV show on HBO. Just sayin’.
What a great man! Have wonderful loud sex. And laugh a lot. LOVE. IT!
Alas we’re not incredibly loud. But my headboard is pretty loose…
That does sound a little awkward to me. But at least you have LC and you guys are moving in together. I’m glad I didn’t have any situations like this. I met my husband through a webdate and he had an ex who was pretty much crazy. But not the type to move in next door or anything. But I’m glad that phase is over!
He’s not stalking me or crazy, he’s just a moron. I’ll count that as a good thing.