Thinking Ahead

A few weeks ago, LC and I had a conversation about the future. Well, let me rephrase. A few weeks ago, LC and I had a conversation about how he isn’t thinking about the future. He’s living for the moment, he says. In the here and now. Now we won’t discuss all the weird things this means in my head. Just suffice it to say, I knew future plans were not an accepted topic of conversation. And where once we had freely talked about what we would do six months away, now it was no longer welcome.

So fast forward to yesterday, and let’s clarify a few things. LC and I have been spending almost every night of the week together. I have stayed at his place so much that I actually bought spares of my snooty expensive skin care stuff to leave there. (I’ll give you a moment to pick yourself up off the floor.) Yes, for the first time ever, I have left expensive high end toiletry items at a man’s house. On purpose. I am there that often. So naturally, my mind is careening ahead to moving in together. Not because I’m impatient (despite what some people believe) and not because I move too fast. But because my mind is always about five steps ahead of myself in time.

Seriously, my mind goes in insane directions with great speed all the time. I’m thoroughly convinced that if someone else had to deal with my thoughts, it would drive them mad. In a normal day this month, I will think about what will happen when my lease is up at the end of the year, if I’ll ever get to take a cruise vacation, a big career move planned for late this year or early next year, and who is cooking Christmas dinner this year. Seriously. In between all of those things will be potty humor, cute cat pictures, sex, and how best to torture my friends at work. I may even have a spare moment to think about work itself before the day is through. It’s just how my mind goes.

So, to the point here. LC was with me yesterday while I ran to my apartment office to pay the rent. Which I dropped off the check, he was perusing the current prices for units in my complex. We were laughing over how much more apartment he could get here than at his place for the same price. And he pointed out that his apartment is cooler because it is in a better building in a more awesome location and he faces not a street but the river. I agreed. Then we noticed that my place has townhome units for rent with two car garages. I was wowed, LC less so. Whatever, he said, I have a garage spot too. I pointed out that he pays extra for it. He pointed out that his rent was less than the townhome was.

And then I did it. Before I could censor myself and before I even gave it a second thought, my mind raced ahead and my mouth forgot to watch what it said. “Yeah but if we move into a two bedroom at your building….” I said. And I stopped. I stammered. I assured him I didn’t mean that. I waited for him to bolt. I apologized. I tried to explain myself and my twisty brain. I was horrified. I had literally promised myself I wouldn’t do exactly this. And yet.

LC just laughed and told me not to worry about it. Besides, as he pointed out, my lease isn’t up until December. A fact which he remembered, I might point out. And later that day he offered to cook the turkey for Thanksgiving this year. I like the way he thinks.

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