No one said it would be easy
In my perfect little vision of the world, it will be easy to tell when (and if) I have found a potential life partner. I will magically realize that this person is different from all those who came before. Like pieces of a puzzle fitting together, it will just be right. And one of the ways I will know it’s right is because it will be easy.
Now don’t think I have taken too much cough medicine… I’m not high. I know any relationship requires work and I know nothing will be flawless. So just relax over there.
I’m saying that in the beginning, things should be simple. And for the most part, it should be easier than not. The beginning of my relationship with this potential mate will not be marked by trouble or tears or potential heartbreak. It will be that fuzzy glowy honeymoon stage everyone always talks about. And while I’ll know he isn’t perfect, I may just forget once in a while.
But today, I don’t know. Am I being unrealistic? Is everything a struggle of sorts? How long should this fabled honeymoon stage last? And should it really be struggle-free?
Anymore, I’m not sure. Because I’m 32 years old and I’ve never just had it easy. I don’t remember any of these mystical honeymoon phases in my life. (Not even on my actual honeymoon. Which is probably just sad.) I don’t remember things ever being easy.
So here is my question to you, gentle readers. Is it ever really easy? Is there really a blissed out phase where nothing is just an obstacle to be dealt with? Can the beginning of a relationship be simple without either party indulging in some serious delusion? I need to know.
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The beginning of my relationship was blissful and easy. Both of us had had _long_ periods of not being with anyone, so when we finally found each other it was pretty amazing for both of us. After knowing each other for over four years, including a period where we broke up for 14 months, we’ve had PLENTY of tough times, and there’s still no guarantee that we’re together forever. Arguably, it’s what we both want but we’ve never quite closed the deal. But being with him, even in the tough times, is better than being with anyone else.
I don’t say this to make you feel bad about what you have or haven’t had, but to say, “Yes, it is out there.” But I also think delusion plays some part in any love. I’m pretty sure research has shown that.
You’re not making me feel bad, you’re answering the question I asked! How long was your blissful beginning, if I might ask?
I know what you mean, I never had an easy relationship. Until I met my current boyfriend, we’ve been together 9 months now and it’s amazing. And I knew right from the beginning he was different and what we have is different. It’s not perfect but we just understand eachother, we talk about things we don’t like without offending eachother.
I just hope it stays like this!
As do I! Best of luck.
Our blissful beginning was probably a good year to year and a half where all we could think about was each other. Sure there were some miscommunications in that time but nothing major, just stupid things. We did long distance for 2.5 years and even that wasn’t difficult. Our issues didn’t arise until after we had a child – 8.5 years in and now we’ve been separated for 2 years. I guess we couldn’t work thru the hard stuff.
It’s out there…it’s just about timing.
See, but your story makes me believe the easy portion wasn’t so much easy as you simply didn’t actually deal with things. That is not really a rousing recommendation for the honeymoon phase.
Yes, I have had that blissed-out, everything is hunky-dory phase in the beginning of most of my relationships. However, they have all failed. Ha! So I don’t know how great an indicator that is. However, I do think if it’s hard in the beginning (or no fun) then that is a sign.
Heh, another vote against the honeymoon phase. Got it.
We actually went about 15 mos before having so much as a fight. Lots of fun, both clothed and naked. I’d say the honeymoon phase lasted about a year.
See, and that’s what I’d expect rather than the 2.2 seconds I seem to be allowed to have.
They don’t call it FALLING IN LOVE for no reason sweet pea. It’s possible, yes. However, maybe it’s only possible for those who accept it for what it is, and don’t look for flaws or constantly question what’s going on. It’s just a thought.
You’re so determined that I’m this cynic who wrecks everything for myself. But honestly, this happened even when I was young and starry eyed and believed in everything. I simply have not had this kind of easy head over heels experience. Head over heels? Yes. Easy? Never. It’s my curse.
Interestingly, my relationships start out in a honeymoon phase, and never make it past that. So, perhaps there is something to be said to not having one at all?
You know, you folks are starting to bum me out. Another vote against the honeymoon phase it is.
The honeymoon phases is real. It’s awesome. If I had trouble in the begininning of a relationship, I wouldn’t even bother pursuing it because it only gets harder as the years go on.
That being said, I am currently divorced & single. Please consider your source here.
That is an awfully glum view of relationships you give. I don’t think they should truly be all downhill like that. Otherwise, what’s the point?
Jane, the beginning of the relationship should be easy, but not blissed out. In particular it should e easy in things that matter the most to you.
For example, if sex matters to you, then sex, when you start having it, should be satisfying and easy. Or if compliments really matter to you – I have a client who must be complimented, as words of adoration are her love language – then compliments should flow easily, without you having to ask.
In other words, you mate should be a natural match to you in ways that matter most to you. That is how you will know you have found the one.
It does not mean there won’t be other issues that both of you will have to deal with, but it does mean that you needs will be naturally met and that will feel right and peaceful.
That definition gives me something more realistic to chew on. Thanks.
Yes it can be easy and just like sliding into a hot bath. However like I’ve talked with friends. If you are having a lot of bumps in the begining it’s not a good sign. Yes relationships are work, but if that honeymoon phase doesn’t exist or ends real quick it’s not a good sign.
And this is more the philosophy I’ve always subscribed to. Maybe I need to redefine my version of “bumps” though.
I’m not determined!! And you are a cynic! *Laugh* And I love you just the way you are. I’m an incurable optimist.
We’ve known this.
I’m not a cynic darlin’, I’m a realist. But from an optimist’s standpoint, they just sometimes look the same.
I’m gonna have to agree with Love Coach Rinatta here. I’ve had the happy, honeymoon phase. But it wasn’t blissed out and perfect. There was some work there, too. Compromises and stuff.
The work was worth it because I was getting what I needed to make me happy.
She has this crazy habit of being right, doesn’t she?
I think there should be a “honeymoon period.” Have you heard that song “As If” by Sara Evans? It talks about that start of the relationship where you are blind to the flaws of another. I think you need that time to develop feelings that give you a reason to stick around when the flaws really begin to show.
I so identify with your blog b/c you are an OVERthinker. I cannot just “have fun.” I’ve tried. Inevitably I begin overanalyzing everything. I just have hope that when the right guy comes along there will be some sort of magic that calms my fears and opens my heart.
Awwww, well I do still know how to let go and have fun! I think there’s a fine balance between overthinking to the point of danger, and merely protecting your heart. I suggest working on how to let go on your own before hoping for someone else to help you with it.