Thinking
Tonight LC saw me lose my cool. I also remembered why I think Facebook is the devil, but for a different reason. Here’s my story:
The weather was perfect on Saturday. We dug out our shorts and our walking shoes and headed out in the car with the sunroof open. We were together in the sunshine and it was perfect. That night we had trouble letting go. But I had asked for space and so he went home to his own bed. We slept alone.
Sunday was a lazy morning leading right into a lazy day. I camped out on the couch with my pajamas on. I played on the internet. I generally enjoyed some alone time. While I was wasting time online I saw he’d updated his Facebook status to say what a great day we’d had. And some woman I didn’t know had made a comment. No big deal right? She said “Next time take me!” Now, it could have been innocent on her part, but I pride myself on being very aware of understanding and decoding female signs and signals. And she felt an awful lot like she was angling to get a piece of him. I wasn’t sure. So I made a very innocent comment. “It really was a perfect day, wasn’t it?” If she had no ill intentions, I was just enjoying my day with him. If she did indeed have a motive, I was peeing in a tiny circle around what was mine.
That night we got the answer. LC came over to cook dinner with me and we were cuddling on the couch together. He got up for a few and I was playing with my phone. That’s when I saw it. “Nothing in life is perfect… some of us unfortunately have to find out the hard way.” But that wasn’t enough for her. It was immediately followed by “… and some people are not necessarily as caring, devoted, and committed to one person as they act.” When LC came back into the living room, I immediately asked who the hell this girl was. Just by my tone he knew something was bad. “She’s crazy.”, he answered.
I saw red. LC promised to delete the thread and her. She was someone he met through a dating site but had only ever chatted with online. She got back in touch a few months ago and he told her he was off the market. Then, when we were struggling, he told her things were a bit rough. She apparently believed that was her one big shot. And she did not take kindly to my territorial marking of this man.
He asked me to let it go and I couldn’t. I replied in what was actually a very restrained way considering how my blood was pounding through my head at the moment. “And some people really have no idea what they’re talking about. But I’m going to assume neither of those things have anything to do with anyone here.” LC apologized. He also deleted everything the moment he got home.
But it got me to thinking. Why was he letting me be so territorial? I sat with him on the couch raging against this woman and he never once told me I had no right to feel this way. He could have, he would have been right even. But he never said it. Still, I knew.
And so I started to think. Why was I peeing in tiny circle around my this man? Why was he letting me? Did this all mean anything?
A new Twitter friend of mine (@purplehayz) said tonight “You can’t have love (and all the related great lust) without the risk of hurt, so find courage…” It had nothing to do with me or with the night, but there it was. And I started to think some more. And I still am.
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Maybe, just maybe this is your own way of answering the question you’ve been struggling with.
You say that as if I haven’t been thinking it.
It’s normal to not want someone coming in until you’ve made a clear exit. I wouldn’t read into it. Sure…it could mean something. Or it could mean nothing.
That was super helpful, right?
He didn’t want her, she was just there already and taking shots at me. She has since been smacked down. By him. Vindication is good.
eventually i’ll believe it’s worth the risk of the hurt. for now? i’ll enjoy my single-ness.
Nothing wrong with that! The point was it may take some courage when you’re ready to try again. I hadn’t expected that.
Yes – what QTMama said.
Please see my reply to her.
I LOVE FACEBOOK! Sorry, that’s my motto for the week. That girl has some balls – LC should ask her if she’s really a man! Way to go
I’ll settle for the fact he told her off. Crazy freak.
Jane, I read this post and comments a couple of times, and I am still not clear… Are you bothered that there’s seemingly another woman interested in LC? Or are you perplexed that LC would let you deal with her instead of dealing with her himself? Or are you wondering why you had a reaction to her and if that means you have more feelings for him than you realized?
Yes I was bothered that another woman was making a public play for LC. And to boot she was taking shots at me. However, he did handle it. And he told her off. So that’s not an issue at all. And I know why I had a reaction to her, but I wondered a bit why he didn’t call me out on that as I had no ground to stand on.
You know, I think you did have some ground to stand on. That woman was attacking you and trying to publicly put a rift between you and the person you’re seeing (however exclusive/non-exclusive, etc. it is). It was insulting and cruel. Even if the two of you were “just friends”, it would still be the same thing – insulting and cruel and manipulative. If my friend/lover/partner/anyone I was associated with put up with someone treating me that way, I’d have something to say about it.
Seeing as he knows I am seeing Big, I didn’t have the right to get jealous. He’s not mine. Now once she said something deliberately inflammatory to me… it was ON. But the jealousy part was out of line.
Here’s the part that stumps me…
If he thinks that she is crazy …then why doesn’t he just block her? Why is she even allowed to see his page?
That’s the thing I don’t get. And if won’t do it, well, I gotta think it’s because he’s afraid of having to explain it to her and that means there is some sort of loyalty there. Of course, you’re asking someone who is pretty cut and dry about some things.
I don’t like it. And I understand why it is bothering you.
Well, before then she’d never done anything insane on Facebook. But I do see you point. He supposedly knew she was unbalanced and chose to leave her there.
[...] not even angry about that crazy Facebook bitch anymore. I do forgive what happened. I don’t hate LC and I’m not angry at him. [...]
[...] first we talked about why Facebook is the devil. Then we had the story about that Facebook bitch which further illustrated the point. And now I have yet more proof… the [...]