For both our sakes, I hope we find better ways to handle it.

I’ve been reading a lot of your entries, including the ones about Mr. Big.

He sounds a lot like one (or actually, MANY) people I’ve gotten entangled with, and still pine for, sadly. I don’t mean to sound this note, but … maybe he came back to win you over because he was jealous of you and LC?

Either way, if he did do that for that reason, I still hope that he “learned” his lesson and realized who he “almost” let get away.

Warmest regards.

Well thanks for reading and I’m glad to have you. Actually Big didn’t know about LC until he had already come back and confessed how he felt. Otherwise I’d believe the same.

How do you not think about what might have been, though? Force of will, I guess, and faith that whichever decision you make will be the right one for you, because you say so.

You do get me. The “what might have beens” haunt me too.

If I were in your shoes (which frankly I can’t imagine -I’m too deeply steeped in aloneness to imagine your choice) I’d want to see how each guy responded to my fear, how open they were to helping me work through it. I say this mainly because I know that even after I made a choice I’d be working through some pretty heavy emotional baggage (fear of failure doesn’t just go away once a choice is made).

Good luck, darling.

Well thank you. I have discussed this with both of them to a degree. Their reactions are as different as they are, but neither is bad. I just need to make a choice and jump into it with both feet.

Sound familiar? You’ve been saying that to me for over two years and as of last week you still were. Maybe the words you used were different but the sentiment was the same. I knew I should have saved all those texts and IMs.

Think of it like this if you have to: If you hated your job and you got an offer for something better then your old job counters you with more money and the promise that things will improve, do you just take the money and stay where you are and hope that they weren’t just saying things would get better to keep you, or do you say “Thanks, but no thanks” and remember why you wanted to leave the old job in the first place.

In that scenario, I don’t know which choice was the old job and which was the new. In my head it started one way and then kept switching back and forth.

You need to take time and really think about what you want in your life. Put down the phone and the computer and spend a weekend alone and figure out what would make you happy now.

You’re objective and you can’t even figure it out! I’m just sayin’.

But I have learned and I truly believe that those people that we allow into our lives, as well as those that come and go, are all a reflection of ourselves, in some way. They are there to show us something about ourselves. I also believe we make the mistakes we do, because we were meant to learn something from them. So in essence, there really is no mistake.

So whichever step you choose to make, or not make, you were really meant to make all along, to discover whatever it is, good or bad. But either way, you are growing into a better you.

Best Wishes

This is a wonderful way to look at things. If nothing else I will use it to try to accept my past as simply where I came from instead of a pile of regret.

I’ve decided to live for today, and just take it as it comes. :/

Even living for today, I have to resolve this.

Are you saying you see a simple answer? Share!

“Stay in the moment.”

It’s all that we have control of, if we do at all.

In this moment, I still don’t know what to do.

Easier said than done, right? I can’t even take my own advice yet…

And which one is right? Or neither? Or could both be in their own way? See the dilemma?