Big Things – Part 2
Where there is a part one, there is always a part two. I’m going to start this part two by telling you a story.
Last July a very wise friend became concerned about me. We chatted all the time and she listened to my stories, particularly those about my Mr. Big. There was a lot I never said about that situation, but my dear friend read right between the lines and caught me in the act. “You realize you’re in love with him, right?” she asked me that day. And I told her that yes, I was very aware of the fact. But I never said it here because saying it (or typing it) out loud would make it that much more real. Instead I held that fact close. A secret just for me, and then me and my friend to share. A silent truth I let myself imagine people weren’t noticing.
So there it is. I love Big. And I have, for quite some time.
You can only imagine how this complicated my life when he came back. I cut him off because I loved him and I just knew he would never love me in return. That I was never to be that kind of girl for him. That we did not have that kind of future.
Except when Big came back in January, he told me he loved me.
That’s right, I was wrong. I was wrong all along. He did love me, and he was holding on to me. In fact, upon further reflection, it became blindingly obvious that he had been trying to tell me for months. I had kept brushing him off resolutely, determined that I would never be his. And he kept searching for a better time to tell me the truth. That he loved me.
Until I said “No more.” and cut it off. Then he couldn’t say it anymore. He couldn’t tell me. I had cut off every avenue of communication. I was gone. I was determined to make a go of it with LC. But unfortunately, love is not so easily cut off.
So there we were, dumbfounded by each other. All along we had each been what the other craved but didn’t know was there. He knew about LC, and so where did we go from there?
From there we went to here. Here where I am not with LC. Here where I am still in love with Big. And here where he is also in love with me. Here we are, suddenly in the same place at the same time. Suddenly with each other and only each other.
We are here.
Filed under Mr. Big | Comments (12)12 Responses to “Big Things – Part 2”
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how can i type the motion of me putting my finger up to my lips horizontally and wriggling it up and down in that “blubbablubbablubba” motion/sound? so.stunned.
Well, I just sat here and did that myself so I’d say you typed it out just fine!
That’s great! Right?? I mean, it SOUNDS great!
It is both great and bittersweet. I’m happy though.
Holy crap!!
YAY!!!
Heh, thanks.
Magic Eight is never wrong
I think your Magic 8 is more reliable than mine. Remind me to ask yours another question next time we talk.
While I’m sorry and sad things didn’t work out the same with with the beautiful LC, I am in fact, happy for you.
And if Big steps out of line I’m flying down to do some major ass kicking.
*Smooches*
Believe it or not, I’m sorry too. Even if I am happy right now.
Wow, I wasn’t expecting that! I can’t wait for part 3…
No part 3. Sometimes two parts is all you get darn it!
I know you’re happy – looks like you’re not ‘losing’ being with someone after ll
Here’s hoping Big treats you as great as LC did…
Don’t misunderstand, I did lose being with LC. Big and LC are very different people and regardless of my decisions, there is a lot I will miss about LC. I’m very lucky to still have him as my friend though.
This is great news to hear. Life is too short, go and have a grand old time!!
#1
Ain’t that the truth?
It’s official woman are still confusing. When does the manual come out in paperback?
No manual. It’s part of our mystery and charm.
Okay, new name, new blog, same skepticism.
I’m sorry. I don’t discount your feelings, I just don’t believe him. He has continually given you excuse after excuse as to why he can’t make a go of it. It’s just convenient that when you try to move on, he starts coming around and “realizing” he loves you.
Whatever the name, I missed you! And yours is a very valid point. I could totally be setting myself up here.
Well, I’m a hopeless romantic and a bit too trusting, but I so want this to work for you.
I can be both of those things at times. Unfortunately lately I’ve been wearing my cynical pants, it seems.
Oh shit! Well, this will teach me to keep up with my RSS feeds wont it!? Prolly not.
I am so excited to hear what comes next!!
I hope I can live up to your expectations!