How do you know?
Every day we are presented with choices. For better or worse, we constantly make decisions about our lives. Which outfit to wear, which way to turn, which brand to buy, and who to date. I always imagine that with each decision we make some doors close and others hopefully open. But how do we know if we’re opening the right doors? How do we know if we’re making the right choices?
Last night I did something you probably won’t understand. I broke up with LC.
I’ve been back and forth about it for weeks now. He is an amazing guy. I’ve never dated someone who was so universally good to me. He always wanted to be with me and was crystal clear about it. No mixed messages. He took care of me when I needed it. Not because he felt like he had to but because he wanted to be there. He did little things to let me know he cared. He did big things too. He is the kind of boyfriend you brag about to your friends. And your friends are a mixture of thrilled for you and jealous all at once. He is nothing short of amazing.
So why did I break up with him? Because in some areas our compatibility just wasn’t there. And most of them were behind closed bedroom doors. I am not pointing fingers or blaming anyone. I’m saying the problem lies not with one of us or the other, but the combination of the two. Yes I had my issues with that situation, but so did he. We were both struggling. And we tried to work on it feebly but neither one of us knew how to resolve it.
The more I thought about it, the more I thought LC had staying power and long term potential. And then I realized the gravity of the incompatibility issue. Was I willing to be dissatisfied in that area for the long term? What if the long term was until death do us part? Could I live with bedroom compatibility issues for my happily ever after? How happily could that ever after be if that was the case?
In the end, I realized that both of us deserve nothing less than the entire package. That we are both great people who deserve to be happy… in all ways. And that staying together, despite all that was good and right with us, was doing the both of us a disservice. And so I spoke up.
It was horrible. The thing is, we both care for each other very much. Making the decision to break up does not change that fact. I still had lingering dreams of what my life would be like with LC. And I believe he feels the same way about me. It is mutual, much like everything else. So ending it, even knowing why, felt artificial and wrong. Because in order to get what we both deserve in all aspects of our lives, we had to give up something that was great in most of them. This kind of breakup feels like throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Especially when throughout the entire conversation it is evident that neither of us wants it to happen.
So it is that I sit here with a heavy heart. I still doubt what I did, even though I vividly remember why I did it. I still wonder if this decision was the right one. If this path will lead to happiness. If the door to my happily ever after just opened wide somewhere. And I wish there were some way to know that walking away from LC will eventually lead me to the happy ending I deserve. Because if I could see that it didn’t, I’d turn around right now and get him back.
I miss him already.
Filed under break up, lucky charms | Comments (16)16 Responses to “How do you know?”
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Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest decision ever. You seem to have done it for the right reasons, and you shouldn’t have to settle for all, when you are missing a part of it.
I do hope this decision gets you to something that will fit in all areas.
I just wish I could tell if it hurts because it’s going to hurt or if it hurts because it was wrong.
Oh Honey… I’m so sorry. But, in all honestly, if faced with the exact same decision, I would have done the same thing. It’s so difficult and you don’t want to spend your life wondering … “what if?”.
We’re here for you. Is it wrong that I’m a little bit excited to be reading your dating posts again?
XOXO
SG
Not wrong but it’s going to be a while. I’m not snapping back from this one with great haste.
Recently, I made the same life-altering decision. I was with the man for five years though. He is the father of my child which made the decision all that much harder. It’s probably the smartest thing I have ever done. We were compatible in all aspects but the bedroom too. However, I want it all! So bring on the single men!!
I am going to read this comment to myself repeatedly for a while, I think. Thanks for the inspiration.
I went through something similar just recently. I broke up with a great guy because of a particular issue even though other things were great. And I still miss him. But the break up opened a door for other things. A long time friend and I have fallen head over heals! Sometimes make the hard choices really does turn out best!
Wow, well I wish you all of the best!
I’m sorry… I think the hardest breakups are probably the ones where you’re not quite sure it isn’t right. But the thing is, that means you’re also not quite sure it IS right. And I think to be in it for the long haul, you should be totally sure. I’m sure you did the right thing… doesn’t make it suck any less though!
Sometimes I wonder how much we can ever be sure of. I’m so tired of shades of gray. I long for black and white.
Oh, that was a tough decision, but in the long run it is the right one.
I hope you’re right.
Sad to hear, but at least he’ll raise the bar for everyone else that you date which is a good thing.
There aren’t many men out there like him. It’ll be a tough standard to meet.
You are right.
You not only deserve the “whole package”, but when you stumble upon it, you’ll be filled with overwhelming relief that you made the decisions you did.
Mr. Right doesn’t come with a suitcase of questions.
Oh, and he DOES exist.
You’re so positive… I’m not. But I will hope you’re right for all of our sakes.
wow. tough call on that one. breakups suck no matter the reason. i hope you find peace with your decision. life-long incompatibility in that area can be detrimental to even otherwise healthy relationships. *hugs to ya*
Peace is all I can hope for right now. I’m not finding it at the moment though.
((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks.
I’m here, friend.
I know. Thank you.
I can relate – my break up with Superstar is a very similar situation. Lots of love, but in the long term, we would both be compromising too much to be happy in life.
You know that old song where the refrain goes “Sometimes love just ain’t enough”? I always wish it were wrong, but it never is.
Been there done that. So very, very hard.
But those issues are SO hard to resolve, clearly you tried and gave it your all. And the secret to every great long term relationship is at the very least – happy and fulfilling sex lives.
Sending you hugs.
I’m afraid I never gave it my all. The first time I really confronted the issue with him in a direct fashion was the day we broke it off. I’m bad at these conversations.
This is my first time ever to your blog. I’m sorry for your breakup. My first thought, though, is that things behind bedroom doors can change at any time, for any reason. A disability could cause a big change there, growing old…If bedroom issues were the only issue a relationship had, I wouldn’t end it for that reason, because those issues will change throughout a long term relationship. But that’s just me.
Good luck!
It’s true there may eventually be a problem someday. But why would you let that keep you from having a fulfilling sex life now? Intimacy in that way is an important part of a romantic relationship. If you’re treating it as less, you’re cheating yourself.
My first time here also. I’m someone who thought settling for less than I wanted because he was good in every other way was the right way to go. Boy, was I wrong!
If there are problems in the bedroom there will eventually be problems in every other aspect of the relationship. I spent 14 years in a marriage watching it slowly erode due to such problems. Don’t worry about the decision you made. It was the right one.
Heh, and I have already second guessed myself. One of these days I’ll get it right.
I’m kind of torn on this one. I’m against and for what you are saying. I believe that the sexual compatibility is a key part in a relationship, but I think it can be worked around.
I would rather have all the other things that come in a relationship. I can teach someone what I like and what I don’t like, but it’s hard to find quality people.
To a degree, I agree with you. But I also believe there is a certain point where it just can’t be saved.