Confession of an Increasingly Mis-named One Date Wonder
I have a confession. You see, it’s not that I don’t want to be half of a couple. I still do. I miss that kind of security and safety and I definitely miss the human contact. And no, this is not all about the sexy time… I just mean the, you know, contact. But these days whenever I get even slightly close to the R-word, part of me completely wigs out.
Here is how it goes down. Boy makes it clear he wants to be with me. The right boy in the right way. Roughly three quarters of my cold black heart turns into happy mush. But not all of it. No no, one quarter of my heart manages to shrivel up even further (who knew that was even possible?). That one quarter riots and fights. It stages a full on mutiny . And it starts to infect the happy mushy three quarters. The longer I’m left alone the worse it gets. And this is even before any talk of long term commitment has been brought to the table!
This is how I imagine I’m protecting myself. By always holding partly back. By not completely letting go. And yes, I know… by sabotaging chances at happiness. This is how I rightfully earn my self-deemed title of One Date Wonder. I find reasons to run before I even have anything to run from. It’s what I do.
There is a whole page full of reasons why LC and I are really kind of good together. They are based on the real things that women always tell you they want in a man. They are not just what shows up on paper but the other stuff too. The intangibles that never make anyone’s list. But if I’m left alone long enough, I will come up with a page full of reasons why I need to run too. Ranging from the fact that my inseam is longer than his (inconsequential) to the fact that I don’t want to be a rebound girl (totally consequential).
So right now I’m trying to turn a new leaf by staring down that black twisty piece of my heart. That’s right, I see you over there in the corner. Trying to infect my chances at happiness. And while I recognize that there is some truth in what you say… I could very well get hurt again… I also recognize that with no risk comes no reward. So I’m going to let this guy flirt with me. And we’ll just see how it goes, ok? Ok then.
I’m totally serious about the inseam though.
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That inseam thing might be a deal breaker for me. Honestly.
I’m still struggling with it a little. But most of the rest is so great… I should be able to get over this right?
Screw the inseam. As long as his package is bigger than yours…who cares?:)
I understand your reservations and I know it’s hard to have faith that there are good people out there…but there are.
I have no evidence either way about his package to date.
Newmie is right, screw the inseam. I mean, you COULD always find someone that has a longer inseam – and treats you like crap … never says anything nice … ignores you … doesn’t take you out to nice places … pretty much the exact opposite of LC. But, he’d have a longer inseam. Hmmm … (can you sense my sarcasm?
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AND! AND Miss Wonder, I’m SO happy to read THIS, “I also recognize that with no risk comes no reward.” I believe I may have heard that before …
Can we just stretch him a little at least? No? Fine then.
It’s been a theme in my life lately… I’ve been hearing it from all sides. You included!
I love your post! And it’s fantastic that you are so aware of that little black part of your heart, because as long as you are staring it down, it can’t control you! You get to make the choices.
The smartest way to appease that part of you that wants to hold back and protect yourself? Go slow. I mean s..l..o..w. Like in kissing on the 6th date slow!
Hardly anyone gets in trouble by moving slowly into a relationship, giving themselves the time to really get the true lay of the land and make sure it’s the kind of land they want to spend time in.
But almost everyone who moves fast, crashes and burns, usually within 3 months- when you’ve got a whole disaster on your hands.
Be a turtle, not a hare, my friend, and you may win this race. Or at least not wind up with a broken heart smashed into tiny little pieces! Which should surely make that little black part of your heart start to warm up.
I will admit, now that I know he’s interested in me and attracted to me, I am not putting the gas on any more decisions. Not in a rush to the bedroom and not in a rush to have a big relationship discussion. He’ll have to make those moves too because I’m on cruise control for a while.
I agree with Dr. Jenn…my sentiments exactly!
I vote that there is no “one size fits all” solution. But I am taking the Dr. Jenn approach this time around.
BTW- I do agree that there’s no one size fits all! I hate to admit it, but I MOVED in with my future husband after only 2 months of dating!!! Now, I would never recommend that! But we did live happily ever after! When it’s right, it’s right.
I will never tell.