Kiss the Girl
Occasionally even a seasoned One Date Wonder can still be surprised by a dating situation. And last night, I found myself in just that position for the first time in a very long time.
My plans for the evening had fallen through and I was chatting with my date from Sunday. He suggested dinner and a movie. I opted out of the movie on the grounds that I had to be up early the next day and suggested dinner and booze instead. The compromise was met with approval. My date actually chose quite a nice restuarnt in the city and had reservations made for us before I even knew what hit me. In fact, it was quite impressive. He even came to pick me up.
We had a very nice evening. Excellent food, a fantastic bottle of wine, and great conversation. He opened doors, picked up the check, and generally was quite charming. By the end of the evening I was a bit dazzled and also a bit full of wine, but not so full of anything that I didn’t remember that this was our second date and he hadn’t yet kissed me.
Now, kissing on the first date is a controversial deal. I usually try not to and I occasionally (read, often) get those plans foiled. On my first date with this guy, I got a nice hug at the end. That is quite good actually, so no problem. But in my experience, a hug at the end of the first date equals a kiss at the end of the second.
So when he dropped me off back at my place, I was wondering what was going to happen. We chatted for a minute, I fished out my keys, and said goodnight. He did nothing. So I reached over for a hug. He hugged me back…. and then did nothing. I just got out of the car and went inside.
What on earth is up with that? I’d start to think he doesn’t like me, except he expressed a very clear very direct desire to go out again and we have another date lined up for Monday evening. I’d blame the garlic steak at dinner, but we both had some. I am fresh out of things to blame, and actually a little confused.
Are there men out there who wait beyond two dates to kiss a gal? Does it mean something secret that I’m unaware of? Or is this guy just a gentleman amongst a sea of those who were not? Help me out folks, I’m a little lost on this one.
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Don’t be at a loss… I once went out with a guy for eight GREAT dates and finally the kiss came… thought it was me at first but it was him, too shy , unsure about how you would respond… I led him in every direction but nothing, just the long , nice hugs and even held my hand… can’t figure them out… Going thru the same thing here again, same guy came around, nice dates ( three so far ) hell, I had known him and gone out with him many times before for a couple years.. went to dinner last night, went back to my EMPTY place and watched a movie.. kissed me and that was it!!! Where was the HOT SEX??? We have plans for tonight.. who knows.. just roll with it.. it is not you!
Well, that guy clearly missed his cue. “Wanna watch a movie at my place?” is code for “Let’s get naked.” in any dating situation.
He could just be shy in that area and you may need to take the lead in this area.
Think what you will, but if that is the case, it’s also a dealbreaker. In a new situation, I simply don’t make the first move.
Maybe he isnt sure if YOU want to?
So either you going to have to make a move that indicates you WANT to or wait it out!
Oh I will wait it out. Or it’ll die a natural death.
I agree! There’s no way I’m making the first move. That said, I’ve come across a few gentlemen like this. That’s an exaggeration, I’ve come across two. One in 1992, and another, who’s my current love. He kissed me on the first “real” date (after a long phone/email-based flirtation) but told me straight away that there’d be no sex. Nearly naked in his bed, and no sex? I think it’s a parallel. Myriad reasons ran through my head. Fortunately, the idealist won out. He really DID just want to take it slow and build something real. He’d dated (read: had sex with…) tons of woman, and this was his way of differentiating me.
Maybe your guy hopes you’re the real deal for him.
Or maybe he has mouth herpes and the guilt would kill him.
Well, at least either way he’s considerate, right?
Maybe he is afraid, taking his time. Wait to see what happens on Monday’s date
#1
Maybe. I guess we’ll see on Monday?
You read my mind… hemissed the cue… oh well… we will see… some are just DUMB!
That cue is universal though. I mean, seriously.
Wait a second…..he didn’t walk you to the door, but just let you get out of the car on your own? He’s no gentleman…….
Sorry – I’m old fashioned. Well, in *some* ways.
Well, there were no parking places and I had made it clear I was going straight up. I don’t really blame him for not walking me to the door. It was more convenient for me that he didn’t.
I’m with Mike. He’s probably just shy. If you want some of what he’s got, you might have to go out and take it, and lay your non-first move making policy aside for now. Guys like when women make the first move – especially the shy ones.
I concur, and I’m one of the shy ones. Therefore if he’s also too shy to make a move, it simply won’t work. Some things just aren’t meant to be, and me and shy guys are one of them.
Oh I totally agree with you. I’m just stating the obvious.
Well ok then.
It’s only been two dates!
There is no rule book for men, which is good because the rules keep changing, if a guy makes a first move on the first date then he’s moving too fast and if he doesn’t then he has to suffer the “Oh why didn’t he kiss me, am I not attractive/sexy enough – does he even like me?” complaint.
Every date is different, men have to try and gauge the mood and the signals they’ve been receiving (and men aren’t that good at reading the signals anyway), to work out if they try to kiss, will she draw back? (the worst thing that can happen…) Or will she turn and give a platonic peck on the cheek.
If you want to be kissed then jump in there, if Monday goes well then if he doesn’t kiss you then give him a quick but soft peck on the lips and see what happens. It’s not being too forward and shows just the right level of interest.
I have not done a small amount of dating. It is extremely unusual not to get the second date smooch. And I doubt the second date smooch really sets off alarm bells for anyone. It’s the first date dive for the panties that is problematic, trust me.
Maybe he’s gay. How could a guy resist you for TWO whole dates?!
I know, right?
Let me meet him. My gaydar is pretty good.
Better wait a bit before I traumatize him with my friends.
Oh! If Newmie meets him, then I want to go too! Look, if he’s wearing Mickey Mouse gear, you’ll know…
No Mickey Mouse gear and no meeting of the crazy friends. Yet.
“He suggested dinner and a movie.” <- Common!! This is a red flag for boring. Who does dinner and movie anymore??
I do, I have, and I will continue to. Good thing all women don’t judge as harshly as you do.
ODW, this guy was just scared of rejection. And unfortunately for him, he has no clue how to handle the first kiss. He went home kicking himself for not kissing you. He freaked out. It’s not you, it’s him.
I think of this as a curable illness and it affects a great deal of guys out there.
Next time (if there is one) just say “what the hell? no kiss?” and if he gets on the clue train, he’ll do as he’s told. Granted, that’s not really all that attractive but whatever, he clearly doesn’t do “dates” well and needs some guidance.
I will never do any such thing. If he can’t make a move on his own, he will weed himself out of my dating process. I do not, in any way, make the first move. Nor will I.
dinner and movies… how cliche.
No more so than using a cocky attitude to disguise mediocre advice.
I went out with a guy 3 times before he asked if he could hold my hand. I don’t want the panty dive on the first date, but a little momentum is nice.
Yeah, see that would put me off as surely as the panty dive.
“I will never do any such thing.”
I’m not surprised to hear that… at all.
And despite all the gains that modern day Feminism has brought to the table, the concept that men are STILL EXPECTED to make the first move lingers as persistently quaint notion like… I dunno… dinner and a movie.
Yes, fellas, we are still the ones that must take on the majority of the risk & responsibility for the interaction. Go for the kiss, cause your date won’t.
As for you date, the only issue there is that no one’s clued this guy on this fact of life. If you won’t do it… send him my way.
For once sir, we agree.
Although I’ll admit I’m nothing resembling a feminist. I like when guys make plans, open doors, and pick up the check. And I do require them to make the first move. In an established situation, I’ll gladly initiate. But the first time? It’s all on the guy.
Mickey Mouse polo shirt = non hetero. Write that down and remember it.
This guy has yet to wear a cartoon character. Honest.
Kim do drink.
Kim do drank. Even liquid courage didn’t help.
Sloshes?
When you figure this one out, let me know! I’ve got a guy that I’ve been out with SEVERAL times (over a period of a couple of months!) who still hasn’t made a move. Granted, my situation is a little different than yours (I’m in the middle of an increasingly nasty divorce with two kids, only been separated for 6 months, and he works with my ex!) but he swears that he’s attracted to me and is falling in love with me but he just wants to take things slow and build the friendship first because of where I am right now. He says when we’re both ready it will happen naturally. I’m about ready to chalk this one up as “just friends” and give up on anything else ever happening. Not a problem really…just depends on what you’re looking for.
Sweetie, I think comparing yours and mine would be like apples and oranges. I would advise you to let this one go… there is just no way that story can end well. Take some time, get back on your feet, and then maybe meet someone who doesn’t know your ex. At least, that’s what I would do.
It sounds like something I would do (unfortunately!), and I’d bet that he’s kicking himself right now that he didn’t kiss you.
As to the why he didn’t, if he’s like me then at the point of saying goodbye in his mind it might have seemed like too big a step or too impolite to suddenly go for a kiss, so he may have been unsure if he should, and then you’ve hugged and gone and it’s too late. And now he’s be kicking himself because hello, 2 dates of course you should have kissed.
So please just give him time
Also it would help if you could give him some clue that made it obvious that you are thinking of kissing like stare at his lips or into his eyes when your heads are close or drop some reference to it into your conversation. Because sometimes guys are STUPID and we need the most obvious clues. I’m not making excuses for him, he’s stupid just like me!!
Make sure you post how the next date goes!!
Cheers.
Already done. Keep reading.