Letter to Someone
I still think of you. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. Sometimes it sneaks up on me in the night, sometimes in the unexpected bright light of day. It shouldn’t matter anymore, you know. You don’t belong here now. And yet sometimes, there you still are.
Sometimes I let myself daydream about what might have happened. If everything were different, if it had worked out. If we were a we instead of just you and me. But you and me, we’re not those things. We are nothing instead. Sometimes that still makes me sad.
I thought about visiting you. About popping up in your life. About seeing what might happen if we saw each other again. I considered it. I still know how to find you, you know. But I won’t. I understand now. I understand that it was never going to be. I understand that there was nothing I could have said or done. I understand that that ending, that thing I never comprehended… it was always going to be. You told me it wasn’t, but I know you weren’t honest. I bet you know it too. But I’ll never ask.
I wonder if you still think of me too. But these days I am sure you don’t. The time that has passed tells me that. There are no thoughts left for me. There never were. Each increment of time whispers it to my subconscious. You never really wanted me. The hard truth. And yet, there it is… the lesson time has taught. You never really wanted me.
Otherwise, things would be different. But they are not.
-Jane
Note – This letter could be to any number of people. I will admit it was inspired in my mind this morning by one, but is not meant as direct communication to anyone.
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You LITERALLY took every thought I had in my mind this morning and wrote it down. Sometimes it seems impossible to fill the hole that has been left in our hearts, other times, it’s as if the hole doesn’t exsist. Very well written.
I was betting these were universal feelings. Sometimes it just helps to know that we’re not alone in these things.
*Sigh* Yeah, I could have written this letter myself.
*hugs*
GD IT Jane, they don’t DESERVE our attention or this letter. DTM, right?? Yes? Totally? Now? Please?
I love you dear. This is DTM… if it weren’t I would have sent something to the person I thought of this morning. DTM can’t stop your thoughts, only your actions.
The good news is, I barely even think this stuff anymore. Just took me off guard today is all.
I’m with QT Mama. He can suck it long time.
He who? I can think of like…. 5 of them.
These thoughts could have come from my head too. They’ve been swirling around in there for a week. Hopefully yours are gone now.
They come and go. Every once in a blue moon I get wistful, but it’s not actual damage anymore. Here’s hoping you find at least the same level of peace.
*sigh* I could’ve written these very words a time or two.
You have slain me with them. /tears
I feel for anybody experiencing these feelings today…they suck.
It’s not as serious for me as it seems. Just a passing thought vocalized.
I wrote a letter very much like this many months ago. My hurt was crushed, and even though it healed with time – “he” would pop up in my thoughts of “what if” here and there…..causing my heart to threaten to shatter all over again. Thank you for being brave enough to share this with us.
You are my people. Let’s run away together.
I hear ya.
I can’t help but think these things as well about a certain person. I’m just hoping that one day it will stop and I won’t feel this way or think about these things.
Hopefully these feelings that you have will pass
Thanks for writing the letter. I agree with Care…that was really brave
Just remember that DTM hon and it will fade. I promise.
This letter made me cry. You did a brillant job of writing out wistful thoughts.
You know it’s over, you know it’s for the best, you know it never could have been, but those what ifs. Sometimes they just sneak up on you.
Thank you.
I am so lost. I need to stop working so much and blog more. I will kick this guy’s butt.:)
POOL!
It’s no one in particular, no worries. Sloshes!
[...] And, for a post I could not have written better myself, please see this entry from One Date Wonder. [...]
Great post. Thanks for making these feelings seem ok.
They are ok. Sometimes we just don’t realize we’re not alone in them.
Fantastic letter…I have TWO that I could have written this to, today alone. I don’t let the feelings take me over anymore but earlier this summer I was CRUSHED by the weight of it all. I’m glad to know that when these “what ifs” come up for me it’s not just me & it doesn’t make me cold to just let them flutter on through without truly hurting again.
HUGS!
You are not cold. You are healing. We’re allowed, just like we’re allowed to feel things. You’re not alone.