There’s things I remember and things I forget
I remember the first would be anniversary that passed after each of my divorces. It was a wistful time where I thought over what had happened and maybe cried a little. It was a painful reminder of failure. and I knew, I just knew that that date would forever be a struggle for me. I would always remember.
Today when I woke up, it was Tuesday morning. My first day back to work this week. I was tired, getting out of bed was a struggle as always. I started thinking about what I needed to get done at work as I did my hair. It was the same as every other morning. I had the news on in the background and heard them announce the date and time. That stopped me for a moment…. the date was familiar. Was I supposed to do something today? I checked the calendar but there were no appointments or plans. Maybe it was a meeting at work? I decided to check that calendar too when I got into the office, then I pushed the nagging feeling aside and finished getting ready for work.
It wasn’t until I was in the car and halfway to work that I realized what it was. This was my would be wedding anniversary. As in, it would be if I were still married, which I’m not. (Now my anti-versary, according to GoodbyeGal.) It is the second time this date has passed since the divorce. Last year I reflected on the divorce and the angst and the pain. I knew I’d never forget. Except this year, I did just that.
I totally forgot. When I finally remembered, it didn’t even matter. I rolled it around in my mind and my heart and tried to feel something, but I didn’t. Nothing. Not love, not hate, not regret. No wistful memories or angry recollections. No bitterness. Just… nothing. And I wondered, is this normal?
Is it normal to forget? Does it eventually just blend into another day, a non-event? Is it possible that this day that was once the happiest day I’d ever known had turned into a nothing? Am I broken somehow because it no longer matters? Am I heartless? Or just forgetful? Or is it healthy that the significance and all related feelings are gone?
My mother always said the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. I pondered this for a while and then tried to think about the anti-versary of my first wedding. And I can’t even remember the date. Is this what it means to be over something?
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I can’t tell you if it’s normal or not, but I will say that I long for the day in which the topic isn’t on my mind.
My opinion is that it doesn’t matter if you remember the date. It just matters that you learned and grew from the whole experience.
The lessons learned are not forgettable. They shape all of my relationship interactions now and always will. But the date, well…. I’m already forgetting. And the pain seems to be gone.
It’s great that you didn’t dwell on the date. Sure, you’ll always remember your 1st marriage, but you have moved on. Go out, have a drink and Happy Anti-versary to you !!
#1
I know it can be hard to keep track, but today was the anti-versary of my second marriage. No clue when the first one is anymore. Sometime in July, that’s all I remember.
I would have been married 11 years, and have been divorced 4-1/2. Most years the anniversary does go by with me noticing but I just shrug it off. I’ve gotta say that year 10 and — for some odd reason — this year, have been a bit rougher. Perhaps it’s because I tend to delay dealing with heavy duty grieving while I’m taking care of everybody else until finally (at a few years out) my mind won’t hold back any longer.
I hope that doesn’t discourage anybody…I may just be weird.
Nah, that’s just what happens when things aren’t dealt with up front. They sneak up later and get you. Quite normal actually.
Yes, that is what it means to be over it! I cannot remember the date of my first wedding either. I am still waiting for the second marriage to become a blur though…it was just final in April so it’s going to be a little bit, but I can’t wait to get to that point.
This too shall pass.
It’s kind of nice to know that you have gotten there. I really do think this anti-versary will be the first big test of the closure I think I have found.
I don’t think it’s bad. It’s just lost it’s sentimental value for you. The reality of a love lost.
The reality of love lost is much sadder than this day was for me. Here’s hoping you find the same peace in your anti-versary as I found in mine.
What would have been my second anniversary passed by this year a mere two months after my divorce was finalized. It was a painful day but the thing is I’m more upset about the impending anniversary of the day he told me was leaving. My guess is that day may hurt a bit more. Or I could be totally wrong and I won’t even notice when it passes by. The thing is that I know in time I won’t remember much about either day. And that I’ll be happy w/ where my life is at by then.
My second anti-versary passed a mere month after this divorce was final. I think that bothered me more than getting the papers did that year.
i am still in bitterangryhate mode. what should be my third anniversary is coming up soon. i am dreading the day. last year i received an anniversary card that said “i thought it was something i should do” right before he left for a weekend away with his married girlfriend. gag. i envy you your ability to forget and can’t wait till the day i get to where the last six years have been erased from my memory.
He is lucky you did not crumple that card up and shove it up his ass.
My first marriage barely lasted a year. We faked our first anniversary, split up about a week later, and my divorce was final 2 weeks before what would’ve been the second anniversary. I recall feeling indifferent realizing a few days later that it had passed virtually unnoticed.
I don’t think what you’re feeling is abnormal. But I can say it does pass. I’m happily remarried (our first anniversary was in April!) and that first marriage anniversary? total thing of the past
Oh I know. I already can’t even remember what the anniversary date of my first marriage was. I’m hoping to forget that second one all together very soon.