i know this is a little late, but it’s like you pulled those words right out of my brain!

The main reason for me posting this today was, that i actually applied for a job today, and was asked over the phone if i had my resume e-mail attached to a facebook account. I replyed what is facebook, and then she kept on runting it is a cool way to keep in touch with people. I replyed, i keep in touch in the real world. She laughed.

I told her it is my constitutional right to protect my privacy. She said she knew that. I told her i was glad she knew, and she should know that i ain’t giving nobody a chance to screw me the way she could of if i had facebook.

While living in Canada last year i heard people saying they lost jobs because of facebook or lost job offers because they didn’t have a facebook account.

So if you want MHO: Screw Facebook, it is a total evil and breach of personal privacy.

As much as I have railed against Facebook, I don’t think it’s a breach of personal privacy. It is, after all, an opt in service. You have to make the personal choice to opt in. Having said that, it’s still the devil.

I for that matter, never ask, because I figure you’ll tell me soon enough. I couldn’t careless if you never did regardless. But that’s just me…

Psssst! Read my next entry. I have a different idea on how it should be handled.

They’re saying they’re SORRY… that they didn’t do what you did.

D

Awwwwww, I believe some married folks are genuinely happy though.

I would never have guessed.

That’s all I have to say!

Short and sweet. I like it.

I think that many people mistakenly believe that if they are comfortable sharing information, then why isn’t the person with whom they are speaking? This is ridiculous. And I think some people are passive aggressive and may say things about their life and then expect some sort of quid pro quo.

For better or for worse, if someone is married or divorced seems to fall into this realm of “okay to ask about” for a lot of people and probably because most people are genuinely, politely curious. Now, in this (your) situation, I would agree with you that since your status is set as single, anyone asking you about your marital life is being willfully stupid. But all of that assumes they’ve definitely read it. Sometimes people just skip over that stuff.

I guess my point is that I think this is something a fair number of well-meaning people might do and would be horrified to realize they over-stepped. Many may do it cluelessly. They’re still clueless, but they aren’t trying to be a jerk.

I do, however, see your point. It, oddly enough, reminded me of how people like to tell me lawyer jokes when they find out that I’m an attorney. I sometimes feel like saying, “What’s your job? I’d like to mock your choice of career and your character, too.” But most people are just stupid.

Hm, maybe you’ve convinced me on just how stupid they are. Thank you for the interesting read.

-R.

For what it’s worth, I’m a natural blonde. I totally understand what you’re saying. I have heard more blonde jokes in my life than anyone ever really needs to hear!

In regard to the seemingly annoying (redundant) questions ~ I look at it like this: it could be worse, I could be one of those people that wasn’t “strong enough” to get the divorce and stayed in a miserable marriage because of the stigma of failure or fear of being “alone”. I’m proud of the fact that I left an unhealthy relationship (3 kids & all) to pursue my current happy, single life! I can answer their questions with my chin up and my face plastered with a big ole smile!

That pride is well placed. My point is that just because we were strong enough, doesn’t mean we should have to recount it for virtual strangers at every turn. It’s like strangers touching a pregnant lady’s belly. Just don’t do that. Seriously. She is most likely happy to have that baby. But that doesn’t mean you can invade her personal space.

I think people say they are sorry to hear about your divorce because…well, because you didn’t get married INTENDING to get divorced. You know? Like, when people get divorced, it’s because something didn’t work – something that a person was willing to stand up and commit to making work in front of all of their friends and family, right?. So, yeah, that’s disappointing and the assumption is that it would be most disappointing for one of the parties involved.

I’m not married and I haven’t been divorced and I don’t have kids. I’d be that complete idiot who would be trying to be considerate and might say something well-meaning like, “I’m sorry to hear about your divorce” and it really isn’t patronizing or belittling. It’s genuine sympathy.

I guess this strikes a chord for me because I remember knowing someone who *hated* it when people asked her what did for a living. Most people ask that question – mainly because it’s give a quick glimpse of someone and tells you what is important to them – it’s just information and helps you understand a person. The reason she hated it? Because she hadn’t gone to college and felt like when people asked what she did for a living, they were being judgmental. The thing was…they weren’t. It was her own sensitivity to the question that made her feel that way.

I don’t think people mean to assume your life must be miserable because of a divorce but you have to realize that you’ve had time to become comfortable with the idea of being divorced – and for other people, it’s the first that they are hearing about it and so they do the natural thing and offer their condolences. It’s natural! If my mom had died 10 years ago and I told someone I hadn’t seen in 11 years, they might say, “I’m sorry…” and I would understand that they meant well and wouldn’t assume they were a bit of a dunce for not realizing it happened 10 years ago and I was okay now.

The thing is – when you got married, you didn’t think getting the divorce would be the best thing that ever happened to you. You know that NOW but you didn’t then. And when people hear you are divorced, they know it means ONE thing – that you INTENDED to live a good life with someone and it didn’t work – and for that, they are sorry.

Amongst the well meaning,
-R.

Here’s the deal. If you know the person and you know what happened, do what you think is right. I’m sure it will come off exactly as intended. But if you are what amounts to a complete stranger, do not ask a bunch of prying questions and then throw sympathy around. The entire transaction is inappropriate. That’s the point.

The girl that triggered this entry also nonchalantly told me she and her husband were trying to adopt. The equivalent of what she did to me would have been for me to ask why they weren’t having their own children. You can see that’s wrong. So why is it okay for her to ask me nosey questions about my marital status?