Virtual Bandaid
I still hurt. I still don’t understand why. I am still startled and off balance over the whole thing. I am still wounded deeply. I still wish he would call, or write, or reappear. That we could talk. That this was all a bad mistake that we could go about fixing.
I’m tired. I will be sad for a while. Very sad. I don’t know how long. Probably longer than you think I should be. I will cry when no one’s looking.
BUT…
I’m done bleeding all over the internet. I have unlimited space and permission to do it, but it’s stopping now. This is me slapping a bandaid on it and pretending I can move on. I will fake it til I make it as that is the only option left.
I pulled him off of my IM list so I can no longer follow when he logs on and off. And, as badly as this hurt today, I deleted his contact info from my phone. I can no longer call or text or drive us both insane. If he wants me, he will have to take a step. I am here if he does, and I’m gone if he doesn’t.
As I grow stronger and the silence continues, I will remove him from other places. Until I can go for a day or two or even three without wondering, without looking, without seeking him out somehow. I will force myself to come around.
The stupid Tums are still on the counter though. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe.
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You know how I feel about all this, and you know how I feel about you. Sending (((hugs))) your way as we speak.
I just want you to remember something. Even though this is horrible right now, YOU are still an inspiration to people…..especially me. When I was in your shoes, I completely shut down. I applaud you for being brave enough to be honest with us about how you’re doing. You deserve a medal.
Honestly? I wish I could just shut down. I don’t know how. So I trudge through every crisis like a robot. Sometimes just shutting down would be such a welcome relief.
You know what you need? Go jump into a brisk body of water. Always works like a charm - that is, assuming you can find one. If you can’t - go to an amusement park and ride the scariest ride. Might snap you out of it and help you to realize that there are much scarier things than being with a man who isn’t ready for commitment.
Right?
Sending you hugs…
And this post might help - on men’s cab lights and their funky and often selfish life stages:
http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/is-his-cab-light-on/
That is an excellent post. And I just made arrangements to go to an amusement park with one of my dearest friends. Cheers!
I still think you’re Jane Wonder (not the lame version you tweet). You’re right on with your approach of fake it til you make it. You’re very strong to have deleted the # from the cell phone. I haven’t done that still from a relationship that ended 6 months ago! I did finally delete old saved voice mails.
It’s not strength, but rather weakness acknowledged. (And I don’t think I tweet lamely!)
MSM had a great idea! Glad to hear you’re going to get out and hit that park …
I have to admit, my girlfriend invited me which is why we’re going. Still count?
Wow im impressed - u really are strong at least on the outside - deleting the # is the best thing u could have done - I just wish i could take my own advice!!!! Be strong
I am not strong. I wish more people could understand.
I wish we had an easier time coping with such losses. I hate how obsessive I get, cyber stalking, pathetically, the guys who hardly give me the time of day….wondering why they haven’t called/emailed/IMed me. Driving myself crazy as if I don’t deserve better.
I know deleting his # was really really tough, but it was the right thing to do.
One thing we can be thankful for - we’re great at faking it
I’m better at faking some things than others.
Awesome! Just go on the one you really don’t want to go on … if such a ride exists. For me it’s that dropping elevator type thingy.
We’ll see. I can also be a giant chicken.
Fake it? HELL NO!!! GRIEVE and move on!!!
NEXT
Practice saying it with me..
N
E
X
T
That’s it!!! NEXT!!!!
If he is STUPID enough to let an awesome fish like you go…then HE is the LOSER!!!!
Chew it all up until the flavor is gone…and let me know when you get to phase 4 AKA the strip club phase!!! LOL
Smooches…Im here for you if you need an ear!
If I truly let myself grieve, I may never come back out of it. I have so much to grieve for at this point in life, I can’t risk falling into that pit.
Sometimes, I hate boys.
Here’s what I never hate: booze.
Not even when your head is in the toilet?