I could have
I could have fallen in love with him. Sometime in the middle of the day on Saturday, I knew that was true. I pushed it off into a pile of things I couldn’t deal with right away, but it was there. Right on the top. An undeniable fact.
I could have fallen in love with him. He was a great kisser. He could cook too. My friends ended up meeting him and loved him. Everyone voted yes. He’s a keeper. He is great for me. I knew all the reasons why I shouldn’t listen. But all those reasons, they’ve gotten me nowhere in life. I’m ready for changes on a huge scale. Ready for risks. Ready for happiness.
I could have fallen in love with him. I was already three quarters of the way there. It was terrifying and beautiful. Are there things wrong with both of us? For sure. Lots even. I am tired and bitter. He is dark. We are both a little broken. But somehow that doesn’t mean we can’t both find happiness, right?
I could have fallen in love with him. But the truth is, now I’ll never have the chance. This One Date Wonder asked him to believe and he said no. So there is no nickname. There are no plans. There will be no future entries. He left early today and he won’t come back. And in the middle of that moment, the best I could do was to tell him not to leave anything behind. You see, I can’t afford to find his shirt or his sock or his toothbrush and have that particular breakdown. In fact, in a few hours when I stop weeping, I will have to change the sheets so I can’t smell him when I’m curling up alone, again. And again. And again.
I could have fallen in love with him. But instead I have another reason never to hope again. Another reason not to believe. Another life I’ll never have. Just another dead end and another chink in the armor I’ve never worn. There is another brick in my wall that no one will get through. My life has become just a series of reasons to believe that it does not actually get better than this. And, as it turns out, it doesn’t matter if I believe or not. Life really is just that hopeless. That’s a lesson I really wish I hadn’t learned.
So I could have fallen in love with him. But, as it turns out, I won’t.
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He is a fool, and my heart aches for you. I wish I had the magic words to ease your pain. I am so sorry.
I kind of wish you did too.
I’m sorry honey. I’m here for you when you’re ready to talk.
We’ll talk hon. You and me… two peas in a pod. Just like always.
I’m sorry, too. It just gets harder to keep climbing back on the horse. I try to remember that there _are_ people it works out for and praying that one of them is me.
I’m rooting for you too, just for the record.
I won’t spout some perky, you’ll find a great guy junk (although I do belive you will), because I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear right now… so for now, ice cream and vodka and sad movies, and just cry it out. I’m sorry he turned out to be Not It.
Me too.
I’m sorry hon. We all love you and are here for you.
Thanks.
I’m so sorry, honey. Don’t loose hope though. You are a wonderful woman and you deserve more. We all deserve more. Hugs.
You know that includes you right? Thanks hon.
He is an assclown. A huge chicken shit.
And I’m sorry.
You deserve more than an assclown can give.
I’m not mad like that, but I appreciate your support.
I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s tough to get a glimpse of happiness only to have it ripped away. However, those glimpses remind you that happiness is still out there…somewhere. Just not with this dumbass.
Honestly? I give up on happiness. I just do.
He sucks. But you don’t. Don’t lose hope. You’ve got all of us!
He doesn’t suck. If he did, I might not still be crying.
Sorry to hear you are down.
Too many break ups in the blog world this weekend
Take care
#1
I concur.
Meh. You don’t need any more darkness, not even packaged up in a man who’s otherwise potentially great. But if he’s not working out, he’s just not that great.
You are great, though. Melancholy today, but totally great.
You know, I try to remember that. I do. But seriously, I just didn’t see it coming. Not any of it. And I’m pretty off-balance right now.
I hate him
I don’t.
YOu have to hold onto hope, maybe not with him, then with someone else someday… it will work out for you…
((hugs))
There are so few things we truly have to do in life. I’m fairly sure this is not one of them.
I delurk to say how sorry I am. I just had a similar thing happen to me last Wednesday and whether you are the break-OR or the break-EE, it doesn’t diminish the sense of loss or the need to mourn. Embrace that; set a time limit for it; and then merge back into life. I am sorry this didn’t work out for you.
I understand there is pain on both sides. It’s the need for it I don’t understand. I could be happy right now… we both could. It’s such a crying waste.