The Friend Strikes Again
Here’s something I haven’t obsessed over in a while… The Friend. I really thought I had this situation under control but I’m stressed out right now and he’s been around. So naturally that knocks my hormones out of whack and causes me to obsess stupidly. And when I obsess stupidly, of course I share it with all of you.
Yesterday, The Friend his roommate and I all went out to dinner. Now it was actually a slightly fancy place, a little romantic but we were clearly not there in that context. We were just out to try something new and The Friend had been interested in this place for a long time. So off we went.
Dinner was fun and relaxed. No big obsessive events or anything… just what I’ve finally gotten used to with The Friend. After dinner his roommate suggested I come over and play a little Guitar Hero with them. That seemed amusing enough so I did. The Friend and I settled onto the couch next to one another and watched as his roommate set up and played.
Now I was up and down because I was playing as well, and The Friend was settled in comfortably as he was just fiddling with his phone. Guitar Hero held no interest for him. Every time I sat down, The Friend would show me something or shift somehow so that we were leaning against one another. One notable time he gave me a quick hug which ended with me curled up against his side with his arm around me. It was nice. Really nice. I miss being touched casually like that. Once I got up though, that was not repeated.
Finally, I had to get up and head for home. As I was waiting for the roommate to pack up and getting ready to say goodbye, The Friend casually reached up and rubbed the back of my neck for a few minutes. I didn’t move because it felt good and I didn’t want to scare him off. Then it was time to get up and head off and I was out the door and into the rain in no time flat.
As I got in the car, it occurred to me that we were right back in the hazy gray area where we were before. I like the contact with him. And I like him. I just don’t understand how that is part of a normal guy/girl friendship. And the signal it sends is very confusing. Usually I’m confident in situations with men… or at least confident that I know the rules and how to play with them. But The Friend constantly catches me off guard. What to do?
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Knock boots. It’s the only possible solution.
Gladly would…. if only he would agree.
Stop obsessing. Do nothing. And I’m going to give you something that you once gave to me: There is NO GRAY AREA’s. Black and White baby. Just black and white. Do nothing, he’s almost a zombie.
SO not the same thing. The Friend will never be dead to me. He’s one of my closest friends.
I’m in the same situation with a guy. I think they believe that since you are friends they can be touching/feely and there are no strings or something. I’m ALWAYS completely baffled by this behavior.
It sends a completely weird message, right?
Do nothing but continue to be his friend.. regardless of the touchy feely stuff.. once you guys cross the line the friendship is gone and it becomes awkward… no more touchy feely stuff. Your heart is speaking to you and your getting caught up in the moment… keep the friend ( another story all to well for me… ..
I’m not getting too caught up, no worries. I am his friend as I have been for over a year now. That’s all I’ve ever done.
No clue what you should do. I’ve been there, though, and like you – I tend to obsess. Sigh. It’s a vicious cycle!
I’ll let it go in a week or so. It’s just….. weird.
I’ve been caught in the effing gray area, and in Canada, the effing grey area, too.
Men aren’t generally shy about what they want, is what I have decided. So, if he doesn’t make it abundantly clear that what he wants/adores/worships is me, then I’ll just be over here pretending to busy.
I pretend to be unaffected by it and go on about the business of being just friends. Does that count?
Oh, honey, all you need to do is have a bottle of wine with him. Then, when you’re through you say: The moon is full, the bottle is empty, and I’ve always wondered what you’d be like.
Then you make your move and scale him like a ladder. I have faith in your abilities.
I once got a speech on how he’s not a sexual person. To be honest, I kind of ruled him out in that moment. Every oncein a while, I forget though. Usually when he’s touching me.
I had a friend who was doing this – with him, it was a possessive thing. He liked touching me, physically, especially when we were out in clubs or bars or at dinner. It screamed “she’s not single!” loud and clear to all the other men in the room. We had to have a talk about that.
Why was he getting possessive of a woman who he didn’t possess???
My response is going to be very similar to Catherinette’s. It’s not the greatest solution because you’re putting yourself at risk (in a few different ways). But…if you want to know the answer, the truth? Get drunk with your buddy. The truth will come of it.
He doesn’t drink much actually. And hearing him say he doesn’t want me when I’m drunk will lower my filters and make me do something I’ll regret. Better just not to have to hear that.