Comments on: The L Word

By: flavormonkey

flavormonkey — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 06:52:48 +0000

Considering my comments in the past I’m not so sure if I’m the male you want to hear from; nevertheless, I AM a guy – no matter how non-standard I might be I still share the same basic DNA structures as all other men!
Based on your initial entries concerning Mr. Big I got the impression that he was seriously using you and that he wasn’t even consciously aware of the degree of his manipulation. I still kind-of suspect just as much.
However…if I consider this from the perspective of my mindset before I got my “shit” together I can unequivocally say that I would never allow the “L” word to slip into my compliments unless I actually meant it in the deeper sense of the term. It’s a total cop-out on his part to get around the uncomfortable sensation of admitting his feelings. It is quite possible that he’s completely smitten with you and doesn’t have a clue as to how to proceed. He’s so “commitment shy” and lacking in emotional confidence that he’s paralyzed.
Why not just call him on it? What’s the worst that can happen? He’ll either stay or he won’t…which is what will happen anyway, right?
The real question is “how much ambiguity are you willing to deal with…and for how long?” You and he have remained in a relationship (even if he refuses to call it as much) for a while now…so obviously you are both benefiting in some way from being together.
Wow, if only I had known females in my life who were as patient as you!

I honestly don’t think he’s using me. I’ve most definitely been used and abused in the past so it’s something I’m rather familiar with and he just isn’t following the pattern. Plus, he has been quite deliberately going out of his way to give me the things I have asked for to keep me happy. That has weight with me.

Anyway, thanks for the male input on the L word issue. Maybe this does have a bit more weight than I had imagined.

By: delightfuleccentric

delightfuleccentric — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:59:01 +0000

I dated a guy who said “I think I love you” after three weeks – and this was while he knew I was pissed at him about something. My response: “Thank you, but no you’re not.” Little did I know my response would cause the demise of the relationship three months later.

Another tip for the guys – Don’t THINK. Know before you say it, and don’t qualify it.

(And I agree with searchingwithin, I think he’s testing the waters.)

Another vote for optimism! And seriously, if that caused the demise of your relationship then it was probably already on the way down, you know?

By: Sassy

Sassy — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 21:10:44 +0000

I’m “Casually Dating” (dating without being exclusive) a guy & he calls me “My Love” all the time. What does that does that mean?

Abso-freaking-lutely nothing. Sorry babe.

By: Red

Red — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 19:39:10 +0000

I went out with a guy in the relatively recent past who went missing for about six weeks, and then said “I love you” on the FIRST DATE BACK! I’m still not entirely sure he actually really understands those three little words. I always felt like with him, “I love you” meant “I want something” (unless they were said in flagrante, in which case most of us are oh-so-loveable). The lamest part of all is that after we broke up, I think he really did miss me, in his fashion, anyway, and he would text or email me “ily”. Okay, you really don’t, or a) you’d tell me like a grown up and b) you would have treated me better when I was still with you.

Sorry for the ‘lil rant, but oh, yes, they’re loaded. On the other hand, a guy once told me when we’d been together less than a month, and he’s probably the only guy who’s ever REALLY meant it. The way I wanted him to, anyway.

Oh wow. Any man who can’t spell it out is immediately ditched. Add that to my list.

By: Catherinette

Catherinette — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:54:25 +0000

Oh for the lord. Mr. Big and I really need to have a serious sit down.

I’d pass you his phone number, but he hates to talk on the phone. You could angrily text him though!

By: One Date Wonder

One Date Wonder — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:08:40 +0000

Mindy – Never fear. I actually heard “I love sleeping with you.” which is probably the actual reality of this situation.

SearchingWithin – You are ever hopeful. My kind of gal.

IAmTheDiva – Things would be so much easier if they understood some of this stuff. I agree.

By: iamthediva

iamthediva — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:31:24 +0000

this should be handed out to men all over the world. excellent guidelines.

By: searchingwithin

searchingwithin — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:05:58 +0000

Without knowing the whole story, sounds like he is testing the waters to see how you feel.

By: mindy

mindy — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 14:08:03 +0000

My ex used to tell me I was “so loveable”, but would never say “I love you”.

He had another girlfriend – did I mention that part?

Basically, I think men say what they mean. He means he loves the way you look and loves spending time with you, but I’d be cautious in jumping to thinking that he loves YOU. I say that from experience…sadly.

God, I am a debbie downer, aren’t I?
Sorry.