Paying for it

Okay, so there’s something that has been bugging me lately. And now you’re going to have to pardon me while I climb up on my soapbox and share this with you.

Picture this: A guy and a gal are out on a date together. Nothing too fancy, just a giant chain restaurant that could be found in any city in the US. Conversation is good and they are enjoying each other’s company. No one has ordered anything extravagant, but it’s fun. Maybe it’s even giving one or the other of them hope that there might still be good dates to be had. Dinner is over and the guy suggests dessert. So dessert is had. Then comes the check, and things fall apart.

The guy analyzes the check. He deduces that meals were about the same price, implying that the gal needs to pay her half. But wait! The gal ordered a drink (soda, not booze) and he did not. So she must pay more. Cash is laid out, change is gotten. The guy says the service wasn’t so good and leaves a slightly low tip. Then he proceeds to split the change with the gal, giving her less, of course, because of the soda.

Then there is a walk back to the car, pleasant conversation continues. The guy asks the gal if she would like to go out again sometime and promises to follow up with her later in the week.

Please tell me you see what is wrong with this picture. Because here’s the thing. The gal (clearly me, so let’s stop pretending) waited for him to ask her out. I let him pick the place, set the date, and set the time. This is how I roll. This is a first date. And I don’t care how antiquated you are about to think I am, I expect a man to pay on the first date. And guys, it is so not just me.

Now, if an ongoing dating arrangement is to be had, I expect costs will have to be shared. Either split down the middle at check time or institute a policy where each person pays for every other date. Something will eventually be done to take the pressure off. But on a first date the man needs to be the man and pick up the check.

I will do my part, don’t misunderstand. I will not order anything expensive. No booze, no appetizers, and no dessert. If any of those things are ordered, it will be at his urging. I will eat my meal, not pick at it. I will make conversation and eye contact. Even if I’m not thrilled with him, I will make sure I am polite and courteous. And when the bill comes, I will reach for my purse. At that moment, the man is supposed to say “I’ve got it.” I will make eye contact and ask once, and only once, if he is sure. When he says yes, I will say thank you and conversation can resume.

But guys, hear me now. If I reach for the purse, and you do not stop me? The date is probably ruined. You are most likely not for me (although I’m willing to entertain exceptions these days), and I am not unusual in this respect. And if you then start quibbling over who gets pennies and quarters or who ordered a soda? I will not forget. And all the good conversation in the world will not cover the fact that you were concerned over who got the last quarter.

For the record, I told him he could have it.

Filed under advice, tales of woe | Comments (8)